1. canceling plans
2. leaving places early
3. coming up with topics of conversation
4. tactful and graceful invitation refusals

1. Babies are an excellent excuse to cancel plans. I've always enjoyed canceling plans. The only thing that's more satisfying than making plans.....is canceling plans. Relief just gushes out of you-
me (in the act): 'Oh man, Poppy is being cranky and/or fussy*, I don't think that we can make your outdoor July 4th celebration. Maybe next year.'
translation ––––––> 'It's 99 degrees and you don't have a pool.'
2. You can use babies to get you outta there when you feel like leaving but you know that you shouldn't yet:
hypothetical lady at a party: 'Shoot, just got a text from the sitter. We've got to head home. The crab cakes and wine were excellent!'
or, if the baby is with you at said social event:
hypothetical lady at a party: 'Son of a gun, how time does fly. It's getting to be baby's bedtime.'
3. Babies are quite useful in social situations that may have otherwise been awkward – they diffuse the conversational gaps. When there's a baby around, there's always something to focus on.
4. Have you ever accepted an invitation to an event out of obligation? Do you ever wish that you had a tactful way to be more selective and discerning? Well, look no further, I've got just the excuse for you: babies.
(Sidebar: Puppies have the ability to accomplish all of the above and you don’t have to send them to college. Just something to think about.)
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